At the age of 14, Sabine Nkusi experienced the devastating realities of the genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda. While escaping her hometown of Kigali with her family, she witnessed the aftermath of violence, including the sight of women who had suffered severe abuse.
Determined to make a difference, Nkusi promised God that if she survived, she would devote her life to restoring dignity to women who had endured such unimaginable suffering. “I told God that if I made it out alive, I wanted to be part of something that would help end such violence,” she recounted.
More than three decades later, Nkusi has returned to Kigali to serve as the leader for gender and sexual-based violence initiatives with Tearfund, a Christian charity based in the UK. Over the past ten years, she has organized retreats that encourage survivors to share their experiences with one another and with faith leaders, fostering advocacy and building robust local networks. Her team has facilitated 12 retreats, primarily in African nations and also in parts of Asia.
In a recent interview in Kigali, Nkusi expressed that it felt appropriate to be back in the city, leading a workshop for 12 abuse survivors. During the session, a participant named Francine shared her story of contracting HIV from an abusive partner after resorting to sex work to support her siblings, who were left in her care when their parents were separated during the genocide.
“The stigma can make you feel very isolated,” Francine explained. “However, I have learned that I am valued.” Sharing their stories is viewed as an essential step in the healing journey for these women. Nkusi emphasized that often, women face blame for their circumstances, and breaking the silence surrounding their experiences is crucial for recovery.
Despite the alarming statistics regarding gender-based violence, Nkusi believes that it is possible to eradicate such violence within her lifetime. The United Nations reports that one in three women worldwide has experienced sexual or gender-based violence, typically at the hands of someone they know. In conflict-affected regions like the Democratic Republic of the Congo, the incidence approaches 50%. In Rwanda, 41% of women have faced sexual or gender-based violence within their own homes.
As a Christian organization, Tearfund is uniquely positioned to reach conservative church communities, where biblical interpretations often perpetuate the notion that women should be submissive to men. Nkusi argues that these attitudes contribute to both the prevalence of abuse and the silence of victims. Her team also offers a program called Transforming Masculinities, which seeks to challenge traditional views on gender roles in marriage by incorporating biblical discussions and engaging couples in listening exercises.
A study conducted by Stellenbosch University in South Africa indicated that in communities in the DRC where the Transforming Masculinities program was implemented for two years, rates of intimate partner violence significantly declined by over 50%.
Initially, many participants in the program, including Edouard Buregeya, a Pentecostal pastor from Kigali, are hesitant to engage. After attending the course four years ago, he realized that his perspective on his marital relationship was misguided. “I believed that my wife had to fulfill my desires whenever I wanted,” he admitted. After the course, he acknowledged his wrongdoing to his wife Chantal, who described the moment as a “miracle.”
The couple now shares their story with their church and community, providing guidance to other couples experiencing conflicts. They have also spoken with their three sons about their experiences, hoping to instill lessons learned from their journey in the next generation.
From her home in London, Nkusi reflects on her responsibility as a mother, encouraging her young adult sons to consider what masculinity means and how to treat women with respect in their relationships.
She recounted a conversation with her eldest son about the traditional notions of masculinity, such as not showing vulnerability and being a “provider.” However, she emphasized the importance of emotional intelligence as a vital trait for men today.
*Name changed to protect identity
