Farah Khan, the renowned filmmaker and choreographer, recently discussed how her perspective on her marriage to Shirish Kunder has matured over their 20-plus years together. In an appearance on Shekhar Suman’s YouTube program, Farah shared insights into how their journey through marriage, parenting, and shared responsibilities has transformed her understanding of love. Instead of focusing solely on the thrill of their initial romance, she now appreciates Shirish for his contributions to their family life. “I value Shirish in different ways now. He is a dedicated father and a person who takes care of our entire family,” she remarked.
Farah expressed particular admiration for Shirish’s commitment as a father, noting his active involvement in the upbringing of their three children and his guidance through their educational milestones. “He is an exceptional father. When people ask how our children secured early admissions to prestigious universities, I tell them it was thanks to their father’s support as their counselor. He dedicates so much time to each of them,” she explained. Furthermore, she highlighted that despite his parenting duties, Shirish continues to pursue his own passions, such as scriptwriting and learning about artificial intelligence. “He is a bit of a loner, which is something I have always appreciated about him,” she added. In a humorous moment, Farah commented, “My son and Shirish are now the same height, so if someone enters our bedroom at night, I can’t distinguish between them. If the person hugs me, I know it’s my son.”
As couples navigate various phases of life, their appreciation often shifts from grand romantic displays to qualities like dependability, emotional support, shared responsibilities, and active parenting. This evolution raises questions about how such changes fortify long-term relationships and the impact of an engaged parent on a child’s development. To delve deeper, we consulted expert counselling psychologist Athul Raj.
Raj noted that in the early stages of a relationship, appreciation is typically influenced by novelty, attraction, and emotional intensity. However, as life introduces work pressures, financial obligations, and family demands, the emotional perspective shifts. “What becomes prominent is not the thrill but the consistency. People begin to notice who remains steadfast in times of conflict, who doesn’t retreat under stress, and who stays emotionally available during tough times. Reliability gradually becomes more significant than romance, as it offers a sense of predictability in an unpredictable world,” he explained.
He further elaborated that partnership evolves from merely sharing joyful moments to making decisions together, resolving problems, and shouldering emotional burdens. Emotional support transforms from grand gestures to small, everyday actions, such as listening patiently instead of rushing to provide solutions or being present during tough discussions. Research indicates that long-term couples who report satisfaction often focus less on constant passion and more on the feeling of being emotionally supported during stressful periods. This transition shifts love from being experience-driven to trust-driven.
When a parent is actively involved in their child’s daily life, Raj emphasized, the child develops a profound internal sense of security. This stability is cultivated not through constant direction but through presence during mundane situations, like homework struggles, exam worries, or social challenges. Over time, the child learns to view difficulties as manageable rather than overwhelming, building their confidence through consistent guidance rather than dismissal.
Effective decision-making also becomes rooted in the child’s observations of how their parents navigate various situations, rather than solely providing answers. Raj stated, “In numerous families, there is a prevalent belief that external coaching determines success. However, emotionally, it is the home environment that fosters resilience. A parent who listens, gently corrects, and allows the child to face challenges within safe boundaries cultivates much more than academic prowess. They nurture emotional resilience, which significantly influences how the child approaches adulthood.”
Each section of this discussion highlights the benefits of maintaining one’s individuality for both personal well-being and family dynamics:
Engaging in personal hobbies and interests is crucial for psychological balance, preventing the gradual loss of self that can accompany parenthood.
When partners allow space for personal growth, they return with renewed emotional vigor, fostering curiosity and connection rather than solely concentrating on responsibilities.
Parents who successfully balance their individuality with family life are less likely to depend on their children for emotional fulfillment, thereby creating a healthier home atmosphere.
Maintaining a distinct identity alongside parenting promotes healthier relationships, lessens emotional exhaustion, and contributes to a more resilient family unit over time.
