I felt a deep connection to the letter published on July 3 from a parent whose child is not engaged in employment, education, or training (NEET). As a parent of a neurodivergent teenager nearing adulthood who faces challenges with social communication and forming relationships outside the family, I find the transition into adulthood to be both daunting and unsettling.

The author of the letter articulated a common inclination to compare our adult children with their peers who seem to have successfully established their own lives, both in terms of work and romantic relationships. As a father, I struggle particularly with these comparisons to my own teenage years, which were filled with exploration, impulsivity, and a carefree approach to structure and safety. These traits, while seemingly reckless, can also represent the independence that we often celebrate in our children.

However, I want to emphasize an important point that complements the thoughts of your previous correspondent. Despite the demands for care and the pressure we feel as parents of dependent adult children, it is crucial to recognize that overcoming their unique challenges fosters a form of growth that may not always be immediately visible. My son navigates a world that can be confusing and uncomfortable, yet he approaches it with humor and respect for others—qualities we hope to see in any well-rounded, independent young adult.

Another parent expressed their shared understanding of the struggles faced by families in similar situations. They acknowledged feelings of grief and shame and extended their support to others experiencing the same challenges.

This parent described their two sons in their early twenties, who have had vastly different experiences despite being raised in the same environment. Their younger son is NEET and has only recently begun to engage with a counselor, a service they are fortunate enough to afford. In the past, they received no support from schools or other services, and they faced fines for their son’s non-attendance. The pandemic temporarily halted legal repercussions, but they have come to terms with the possibility that he may never achieve full independence. Although he is intelligent and articulate, he has limited qualifications and struggles with self-confidence in a world that can be unkind to those who are different. Sharing their story with friends has revealed the extent of this issue, providing a sense of community and reducing feelings of isolation. The counselor has assisted them in understanding their son’s needs and improving communication, leading to a more relaxed home environment. While this is just a small step, it has brought them significant relief, and they hope others can find similar support.

Another letter described a daughter who left mainstream education at the age of 13, now 11 years ago. The family enrolled her in an educational charity called Red Balloon of the Air, designed to support children who have faced bullying. Although she initially engaged with activities like cooking and woodworking, her enthusiasm eventually waned. Subsequently, she joined a local college to study animal care but stopped attending after a few months due to surgery. Her current routine consists of reading, online gaming, and spending excessive time on YouTube, coupled with isolation and a lack of physical activity. Despite regular sessions with an occupational therapist who aims to engage her in productive activities, her interest often diminishes quickly, leaving her family feeling overwhelmed.

Another parent expressed deep empathy with the experiences shared in the letter. With nearly 40 years of experience in children’s services and adolescent mental health, they noted the persistent lack of acknowledgment that parenting is a lifelong commitment. They highlighted the difficulties parents face when their children transition from child to adult mental health services, often finding themselves excluded from discussions about their child’s well-being once they turn 18, which can lead to dire outcomes.

The sentiment is clear: our children remain our children throughout our lives, and we do not cease our parenting role simply because they reach adulthood. While our responsibilities may evolve, the support for families remains critically insufficient, regardless of the ages involved. It is essential to address this issue without stigma or shame, recognizing the need for ongoing support for families at all stages of life.