When Eddie Symond’s son, Seb, passed away at just 10 months old, the depth of her sorrow was overwhelming. The 41-year-old from Sydney’s Northern Beaches described Seb as a joyful child who deeply loved his mother. His life was cut short due to a severe seizure linked to a rare genetic disorder that he had been diagnosed with merely four months prior.
Eddie and her husband, Ant, had hoped that Seb would manage the condition with the help of medications, having connected with another family navigating the same challenges. On the day they learned that Seb would not survive, Eddie recalled the heartbreaking moment when they were told he had been declared brain dead: “This baby, just three days ago, was thriving and alive, and today we’ve been told that he will not make it any longer.” The experience of leaving the hospital without her son was profoundly traumatic for Eddie, stating, “I remember I just laid in his cot and cried.”
In the aftermath of this tragedy, Eddie found solace in small gestures of kindness from friends, although not everyone could face her grief. She noted that some people expressed regret for not attending Seb’s funeral, citing their desire not to upset her. Eddie responded, “Well, I lost my child; I’m going to be upset for the rest of my life.”
Yumi Stynes, the host of the ABC podcast Ladies, We Need to Talk, engaged in conversations with mothers who have experienced similar losses, focusing on how they coped with their grief and how others responded to them during this challenging time.
Rachel Ficinus, a registered psychologist and director of bereavement services at Red Nose Australia, has interacted with over 200 families who have lost children. She explained that the death of a child fundamentally alters the hopes and dreams parents had when they decided to start a family. Ms. Ficinus emphasized that parents do not cease to be parents when their child dies, stating that their identity as mothers and fathers remains significant.
Eddie was on maternity leave when Seb died, and she struggled with social interactions, especially since her friends continued to invite her to activities like library storytime and walks. “Going for a walk without a pram with a bunch of women who are pushing a pram was really, really hard,” she admitted. However, she cherished the small acts of support she received during her grief, like a friend who would make her bed each day, a gesture that brought her comfort.
Six years ago, Sky Matheos and her partner Trisdan from Melbourne were eagerly awaiting the arrival of twins. Unfortunately, complications led to their premature birth at 24 weeks. The twins, Remi and River, were immediately taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Sky felt an initial sense of relief upon their birth, as they appeared to be stable, but four days later, both babies contracted an infection and were not responding to treatment. The couple was informed that their babies might not survive the night. Sky held River for what turned out to be a bittersweet farewell as she passed away shortly after.
Sky reflected on that moment, stating, “Having them in my arms, I felt full and content, despite the situation.” When Remi also succumbed, the couple faced an unimaginable loss, grappling with their grief and the reality of their situation.
Ms. Ficinus highlighted that grief manifests in various ways, including shock, tears, silence, and even humor. She noted that while time can provide some healing, the feelings of loss can resurface unexpectedly. Many people often shy away from discussing the loss of a child, fearing it might exacerbate the pain. However, those who have experienced such a loss often desire to talk about their children and keep their memories alive. “They want to hear their babies’ names,” she explained, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging these children as integral parts of their families.
Following the loss of Seb eight years ago, Eddie welcomed a son, Dash, and a daughter, Elodie. Both children maintain a connection with their older brother, with Eddie noting, “Seb is so alive in our family. If anyone asks our kids if they’ve got brothers and sisters, they will say, ‘Yes, we’ve got one brother.’” This ongoing remembrance highlights the lasting impact of loss and the importance of family connections.
