Every other Tuesday, AJ Daulerio begins his day at 5:30 AM with a meditation session lasting between five and twenty minutes, followed by a structured journaling routine. This includes reading from a poetry anthology and a passage from a wisdom text, particularly a heavily annotated version of Leo Tolstoy’s “A Calendar of Wisdom.” He then writes down his daily fears and a list of things he is grateful for, culminating in a note to his three children sharing his spiritual insights.
After enjoying a banana and coffee, Daulerio practices Brazilian jiu-jitsu before attending a meditation session at Besant Lodge, a community center located beneath the Hollywood sign that has historical ties to mid-century mystics. Following his meditation, he leads a recovery meeting via Zoom.
Daulerio has personal therapy scheduled for 11:15 AM, and in the afternoon, he picks up his children to spend time with them and his wife, allowing him only a few evening hours to focus on his advice column for Slate and work on two books he is writing.
In addition to these activities, Daulerio participates in emotional sobriety sessions on Wednesday evenings, attends an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting every Friday, joins Alcoholics Anonymous meetings on Sundays, engages in couples therapy biweekly, and meets quarterly with his psychiatrist to adjust his medications, which include a mood stabilizer (Lamictal) and an antipsychotic (Zyprexa) for managing his bipolar disorder.
“I have an ego that needs constant regulation,” Daulerio explains. “Half of my recovery is focused on that.” He recently celebrated ten years of sobriety, marking a significant milestone in a tumultuous journey that saw him transition from a prominent digital media figure as the editor of Gawker to a fallen figure whose actions contributed to the site’s decline.
In recent years, Daulerio has redefined his career as a media creator—not as the aggressive, traffic-driven editor known from his Gawker days, but as the thoughtful and remorseful author of “The Small Bow,” a newsletter he founded in 2018 to document his recovery journey from addiction and his efforts to rebuild his life.
To combat the dual challenges that once led to his self-destructive behavior—loneliness that drove him to dive bars and an ego that misled him into believing he was in control—Daulerio has established a strict recovery regimen. His writing in “The Small Bow” has garnered a loyal audience through candid, heartfelt essays about his recovery process, and he aspires to develop his venture into a multi-platform media company dedicated to offering support and wisdom to those grappling with various addictions.
However, Daulerio faces a fundamental challenge: how to successfully grow his media business without compromising the spiritual practices that have enabled his transformation. “I need to become more comfortable with this,” he reflects while enjoying a cheeseburger. “I believe in what we’re doing, but I often question my intentions regarding self-promotion.”
Launching any business, particularly in the declining print media sector, demands a degree of irrational self-assurance. The necessity for self-promotion can conflict with his efforts to maintain humility and keep his ego in check, especially since “The Small Bow” is primarily based on his personal narrative.
Fortunately, Daulerio possesses an exceptional talent for expanding digital media platforms, a skill that once brought him success as Gawker Media’s editor but also contributed to his downfall.
The branding of “The Small Bow” incorporates religious imagery, featuring illustrations of demons and angels by Edith Zimmerman, who has also achieved sobriety. This artwork symbolizes the ongoing struggle between Daulerio’s professional aspirations and his commitment to recovery: the demon urging him to revert to old habits to expand his business, and the angel encouraging him to uphold the values that resonate with readers facing their own challenges.
“How do you market something that is meant to be authentic?” he poses rhetorically. Like his journey to sobriety, Daulerio can only continue to navigate this delicate balance, one day at a time. “What other choices do I have?”
The past decade has been a profound lesson in humility for Daulerio, who has been the subject of intense media scrutiny during his rise and fall. His story has been explored in two Netflix documentaries and numerous articles discussing journalistic integrity and the boundaries of First Amendment rights.
Before becoming a controversial media figure, Daulerio was recognized as a promising talent in the digital journalism landscape of the early 2000s. He began his career in journalism in 1998, reporting on city council meetings for the East Brunswick Sentinel in New Jersey. Initially aspiring to be a music producer or critic, he quickly demonstrated a remarkable ability to uncover stories, a skill that would define his rise to prominence in the digital publishing realm.
“I had a knack for getting people to share information they weren’t supposed to,” Daulerio recalls, noting that his flexible deadlines allowed him to build relationships with council members.
