Do you find yourself intrigued by a carefree, vape-enthusiast male model who embodies a laid-back approach to life? If so, you might appreciate “The Long Cloud,” the debut novel by New Zealand artist and photographer Hector MacKenzie. But does it succeed in its portrayal? The answer is somewhat ambiguous.
The protagonist, Xander, is a 30-year-old ex-athlete grappling with the realities of aging out of the modeling scene and facing an existential crisis. He serves as a blank slate, allowing readers to see reflections of their own lives. In a world increasingly focused on public perception, the concept of “self” becomes a central theme.
One of the most notable aspects of MacKenzie’s writing is its distinct style: lowercase letters punctuated by sparse punctuation. This stream-of-consciousness narrative reveals Xander’s internal struggles and insecurities, contrasting his polished exterior with deep-seated turmoil. As he navigates his diminishing modeling career in London, where he shares a home with his notably successful actress girlfriend, Tessa, he admits, “I haven’t really felt anything for a long time.” Life seems to happen around him rather than through him.
At Tessa’s urging, Xander returns to his hometown of Hawkes Bay, New Zealand, for the first time in a decade. He feels anxious about confronting his past and the memories associated with it, especially as he reunites with those he left behind. Upon his arrival, he feels adrift, spending time with his divorced parents—his overprotective mother and his father, who now lives with a new partner on the family farm, a place Xander once considered home. He learns that this cherished property, often envied by others, is slated for sale. His encounters with old friends and former lovers, particularly one who seems interested in rekindling their romance, complicate his return.
As Xander grapples with his identity, he reflects, “Who the hell was I? Was I a farm boy? A handsome guy? Or just a washed-up jock with nothing to show for it?” MacKenzie skillfully illustrates how nostalgia can lure us back to familiar places, only to leave us feeling disoriented. Xander ponders his past relationships and what could have been, ultimately meeting Charlotte, a woman ten years his junior, whom he hopes will alleviate his struggles.
The titular “long cloud,” referencing the Māori term Aotearoa, symbolizes the potential lives we neglect—both those we’ve left behind and those yet to unfold. Through Xander, who oscillates between superficiality and poignant introspection, we see how youthful anxieties can morph into adult concerns. As we attempt to reshape our identities, we often find ourselves yearning for what we have lost. Xander’s lament resonates: “How can the world expect us to choose our paths as adults when we’re still children?”
While “The Long Cloud” offers these sensitive insights, it falls short of greatness. The depth of a character like Xander, who can be seen as a charming but simplistic figure, limits the narrative. This is not to say that there isn’t allure in his uncomplicated thoughts; however, prolonged exposure to his character may lead to a sense of ennui. Additionally, the conclusion feels incomplete, as we depart from Xander just as his world begins to unravel, creating an impression of a narrative cut short.
MacKenzie excels in capturing the fleeting nature of youth, the pangs of nostalgia, and the disorientation of returning home, often conveying these themes through the casual tone of a late-night social media post. There may exist a version of this story that could have delved deeper into Xander’s complexities while remaining true to his character, yet this narrative does not fully achieve that depth.
Xander serves as a mirror reflecting our own flawed and uncertain selves. In moments of poor decision-making that lead to the very turmoil he mourns, we catch glimpses of our insecurities. After enduring a physical altercation that leaves his exterior mirroring his internal state, Xander finds a sense of relief. Likewise, readers may find solace in recognizing the “collage of mild anxiety” that MacKenzie artfully weaves throughout his debut.
“The Long Cloud” by Hector MacKenzie is currently available through Scribe in the UK and Australia.
