As I near my thirtieth birthday, I find myself facing a barrage of inquiries from friends, family, and acquaintances.

“Are you searching for a boyfriend?”

“Why are you not in a relationship?”

Most of those posing these questions are themselves in committed partnerships, operating under the assumption that my single status indicates a desire for a companion or a sense of incompleteness.

Additionally, I often hear, “When do you plan to have children?”

This question serves as a reminder of the societal expectation that women should feel a pressing need to become mothers.

It is presumed that, as a woman, I possess an innate drive to nurture and raise children.

Society tends to present these life milestones as straightforward achievements.

When my younger sister welcomed her first child two years ago, I thought this development might satisfy my family’s curiosity about my own plans.

However, the inquiry merely shifted to, “When will you give your niece a cousin?”

While my sister’s choice to start a family was met with admiration, I wish to receive the same level of respect for my choices.

As a writer, I have the freedom to craft my ideal partner on the page, combining attributes from beloved literary characters, celebrities, and real-life acquaintances into one perfect figure.

In reality, however, the process is far more complex.

With numerous dating applications available, the search for a compatible partner can be overwhelming, and identifying my “type” remains a challenge.

Though I am fortunate to have supportive friends and family who appreciate me as I am, my shorter stature has led some individuals to think it is acceptable to mock me.

I feel apprehensive about meeting new people through online dating platforms, as it can be difficult to gauge who will accept me and who will make me feel less than.

I would prefer to encounter a partner in a more natural, organic setting, which feels safer.

I also have faith in the concept of serendipity; if someone enters my life through shared interests or activities, that person is already part of my world.

Whenever I am questioned about my relationship status, I often feel as though I am under scrutiny.

I grow weary of having to justify my single and child-free lifestyle.

Embracing my life

I have created a fulfilling life for myself, filled with various communities that help stave off loneliness.

This year, I am excited about several upcoming para powerlifting competitions throughout Australia, where I will enhance my lifting skills and reconnect with friends.

Additionally, I look forward to my writing sessions, where I connect with individuals who share similar passions.

Being single and without children grants me considerable flexibility and freedom in my choices.

I can engage in writing workshops without having to arrange childcare or other commitments.

My single status also allows me greater independence; I can decide on financial matters, my living situation, and how to spend my time without needing to make compromises.

As an introvert who values personal space, I can choose when to socialize and when to recharge.

In a partnership, these decisions would likely involve collaboration.

The main drawback of being single is the frequent need to defend my choices.

The traditional narrative surrounding marriage and motherhood is one I grew up observing.

It was the path taken by my parents, relatives, and friends’ families, leading me to believe I would follow suit.

However, after starting a part-time job that I enjoy, I have established a satisfying routine.

Surprisingly, I’ve discovered that I have ample space in my life.

If a relationship were to come my way, it would merely enhance the rich life and community I have already built.

Though my journey may differ from others, I can still experience love and connection without the necessity of becoming a mother or a partner.

I am not living a life that feels incomplete; rather, I am intentionally crafting my own narrative.

I am writing my story on my terms.

Julie Dickson is a freelance writer based in Melbourne/Naarm and is currently pursuing a graduate certificate in politics and policy at Deakin University.