The challenges of being a working mother are universally recognized, and the experience can be just as demanding for those in the public eye. Farah Khan, a mother of triplets, shared her insights on this subject during an interview with film critic Anupama Chopra. Reflecting on her early days of motherhood, she confessed that even simple outings, like a visit to the salon, were accompanied by feelings of guilt. “It does slow you down a bit, but it’s not impossible,” stated Khan, whose children were three years old at the time.
S Giriprasad, a psychologist at Aster Whitefield, notes that the feelings of guilt expressed by Khan are quite common among mothers. Many experience an ongoing sense of inadequacy, worrying that they are not devoting enough time to their children, being attentive enough, or allowing themselves personal time. “It’s a complex blend of shame, self-criticism, and anxiety about not meeting internalized expectations,” he explained.
Khan also mentioned that her priorities shifted significantly after becoming a mother. “I no longer engage in activities that used to be routine for me. However, I ensure I spend quality time with my kids. Socializing took a backseat; I stopped attending parties because I didn’t want to take time away from them,” she remarked.
Even while working, the feelings of guilt persisted for Khan, who felt that leaving her career to focus solely on motherhood was not a viable option. “I can’t just sit at home. That wouldn’t make me a happy mother. I observed that my help returned to work just a week after I gave birth and managed to juggle their responsibilities alongside their family duties,” she noted.
Dr. Pretty Duggar Gupta, a consultant psychiatrist at Aster Whitefield in Bangalore, agrees with Khan’s experience, stating that when mothers parent in a manner that suits their personality, they promote healthy coping mechanisms. This approach teaches children the importance of self-awareness and self-care as vital components of love, ultimately helping to alleviate parental burnout and foster emotional availability.
Dr. Giridhar highlights that taking career breaks or slowing down can heighten the risk of anxiety or depression, particularly if these decisions are made out of necessity or loneliness. “Losing daily contact with peers can alter one’s social dynamics,” he pointed out. He suggests that mothers can mitigate these effects through careful planning for re-entry into the workforce, pursuing further qualifications, or adopting part-time positions, along with workplace policies that support caregiving responsibilities.
Khan also observed that fathers often do not experience the same level of guilt. “Fathers don’t have that ‘guilty gene,’” she remarked, noting the disparity in workload and expectations between male and female directors. “While I find it challenging to make one film a year, for someone like Rohit Shetty, it’s a different story,” she added.
Dr. Giriprasad concurs, emphasizing that the guilt associated with balancing work and family is particularly pronounced among mothers due to entrenched gender norms and stereotypes surrounding caregiving roles. Mothers often hold themselves to more stringent standards, which can lead to greater emotional distress.
He warns that chronic guilt can have significant emotional repercussions, increasing anxiety, fostering negative thought patterns, disrupting sleep, and diminishing self-compassion. Mothers tend to report more severe declines in mental and physical health compared to fathers, especially in environments lacking social support.
Dr. Giridhar advocates for a combination of cognitive and behavioral strategies to address these feelings. He emphasizes that while mom guilt is a valid emotion, it doesn’t have to be a permanent state. With compassion, realistic expectations, social support, and targeted psychological strategies, mothers can cultivate a healthier relationship with themselves and become resilient role models for their children.
