Actor Akshay Kumar recently reminisced about his school experiences, shedding light on both the mischievous and vulnerable aspects of his youth. During a segment on Wheel of Fortune, he welcomed his childhood friend Jinesh from the audience, revealing that their friendship began in kindergarten. Notably, he openly discussed the academic challenges they faced together as students.
Reflecting on their formative years, Akshay mentioned, “We’ve been together since kindergarten, and between KG and 9th grade, we failed three times.” His humorous delivery provided insight into how these setbacks were integral to their educational journey. In a playful exchange, Jinesh humorously attributed their academic difficulties, stating, “Because I used to spend time with you.”
While their banter was light-hearted, it brings to the forefront important issues surrounding academic pressure, peer influence, and the long-term effects of early failures on self-confidence and self-image.
Counseling psychologist Athul Raj shared insights with indianexpress.com, noting, “Experiencing repeated failures in school rarely affects academics alone. For a child, it gradually becomes a reflection of their identity. Instead of thinking ‘I didn’t do well this time,’ they start believing ‘I am not capable.’ When this pattern occurs in a context where grades carry significant social implications, it can influence a child’s identity from a young age.”
Raj elaborated that as adults, this often manifests in subtle yet limiting behaviors. “Individuals may hesitate to seize opportunities, downplay their skills, or shy away from situations that involve evaluation. The lingering impact is not just about the exam itself but the memory of being judged or feeling inadequate in front of others.”
He also emphasized that stories like Akshay Kumar’s serve as a reminder that academic difficulties do not determine future success. “The more profound consequences arise when failure is consistently associated with shame, rather than being viewed as a temporary hurdle that can be overcome.”
Children are highly attuned to their social surroundings, Raj explained. In a school environment, peers often dictate what is deemed acceptable behavior. A child might refrain from answering a question not due to lack of knowledge, but out of a desire to avoid attention. Another may altogether abandon effort if striving results in mockery.
Raj noted, “In many Indian classrooms, grades are public, and comparisons are commonplace. Peer reactions can be swift and harsh. A single joke, label, or act of exclusion can lead a child to withdraw. Over time, performance becomes influenced more by the need for acceptance than by actual ability.” Conversely, in a nurturing peer environment, where effort is encouraged rather than ridiculed, children are more likely to engage actively. They take risks, ask questions, and learn to bounce back from failures. Much of what we interpret as behavior is often a response to the surrounding social context.
Furthermore, Raj stated that a child’s perception of failure is often shaped by the adults in their lives. If failure is met with fear, anger, or comparisons, the child learns to dread it. This fear gradually replaces curiosity and the willingness to try.
What proves beneficial is a more balanced reaction to failure. It is crucial to acknowledge disappointment without exaggerating it. Providing children the space to reflect on their mistakes and consider improvements, without linking these experiences to their self-worth, is essential. The focus should shift from outcomes to processes, and from judgment to understanding.
“In our cultural context, comparison is nearly instinctive, but it can inflict lasting harm. It reduces a child to a mere number and disregards their individual progress. When adults consistently prioritize effort and development, children start to perceive failure in a new light—not as a defining characteristic, but as an experience they can navigate without losing their confidence,” Raj concluded.
