At the age of 15, I had never set foot in a cinema or viewed a film. Raised in a strictly Orthodox Charedi Jewish family in Glasgow, where my father served as a rabbi, my exposure to cultural influences outside our religious environment was minimal. Our home was filled with religious texts, we sang in Yiddish, and the only chance I had to watch television was at my less observant grandparents’ house, where we occasionally caught the end of a tennis match when we visited.<\/p>\n
By the time I reached my mid-teens, my family relocated to Jerusalem, leaving me to live in Manchester with a scholar who ultimately victimized me. This abuse lasted for six months, occurring while his family was asleep or away. Isolated and without anyone to confide in, I lacked the vocabulary to articulate what I was enduring. It was a challenging and lonely period, marked by a lack of supportive adults.<\/p>\n
While in a new school, I was invited by two classmates to watch the film 8 Mile in town. The idea of going to a cinema was completely foreign to me, and I had never heard of Eminem, the rapper whose life was depicted in the movie. However, intrigued by the idea of going without supervision, I agreed.<\/p>\n
After purchasing tickets and settling into the dimly lit theater, I found myself transported into another world for the next 110 minutes. The experience was exhilarating, leaving me so overwhelmed that I could hardly focus on the film itself.<\/p>\n
A few weeks later, I decided to take the bus by myself to see the movie again. This time, I became captivated by Eminem’s character, B-Rabbit. I recognized similarities between us; he scribbled lyrics on scraps of paper while I wrote rhythmic poetry on various surfaces, including my hand, to process my life and cope with my circumstances. When he sat on the bus, leaning against the window, I understood what it meant to feel lost and unsure of where to turn for support.<\/p>\n
Following this, I delved into his music, borrowing CDs and an MP3 player to listen to songs like “Lose Yourself” and “Cleanin’ Out My Closet.” I even found myself rapping the lyrics in Yiddish in my mind. I returned to the cinema a third time, eager to absorb even more of the experience. As I left, I looked up at a billboard and thought, “There\u2019s my friend,” feeling an unexpected connection.<\/p>\n
In my upbringing, there was a clear hierarchy regarding knowledge and art; only established works by authoritative figures were deemed valuable. However, 8 Mile demonstrated that creativity could emerge from anyone, including those on the fringes of society. B-Rabbit’s ability to transform raw, unrefined thoughts into music that resonated with audiences inspired me and made me believe that I, too, could express myself.<\/p>\n
While I cherished my faith, I began an anonymous blog addressing the struggles I faced and the hypocrisy I observed within the human aspects of my community. This marked the beginning of externalizing my internal battles, paving the way for me to challenge norms, educate myself, and advocate for change in both my community and my personal life.<\/p>\n
Importantly, having learned to document my experiences on scraps of paper, I recorded each instance of abuse I endured, which would later play a crucial role in sending my abuser to prison. Being called to testify at his trial expanded my horizons, granting me confidence and the empowerment to make my own decisions.<\/p>\n
I continued writing poetry and even worked on a book. My passion for film remained strong, particularly biopics that offered glimpses into others’ lives, such as Respect, about Aretha Franklin, and Bohemian Rhapsody, about Freddie Mercury. I gravitate towards individuals who have navigated life on the margins, even when they achieve fame.<\/p>\n
When feeling overwhelmed, I still find solace in visiting the cinema alone. Immersing myself in a created world provides a refreshing perspective on my own life, allowing me to step outside of it momentarily.<\/p>\n
Recently, I rewatched 8 Mile with my teenage son. As a parent, I gained new insights into the themes of drug use, neglect, and familial relationships, highlighting how my own upbringing as a teenager contrasted with that of my three children.<\/p>\n
It was purely coincidental that 8 Mile was my inaugural cinema experience; it was a prominent film at the time. Had it been Legally Blonde, I might have enjoyed it but wouldn’t have experienced the same profound impact. Instead, discovering Eminem at that pivotal moment in my life proved to be just what I needed. Even now, while cleaning my home, I often find myself rapping his lyrics in my head, sometimes even in Yiddish.<\/p>\n
Chutzpah: A Memoir of Faith, Sexuality and Daring to Stay by Yehudis Fletcher is currently available in paperback.<\/p>\n
If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse or assault, support can be accessed from Rape Crisis at 0808 500 2222 in England and Wales, 0808 801 0302 in Scotland, or 0800 0246 991 in Northern Ireland.<\/p>\n
We invite you to share how a cultural moment has inspired significant change in your life by completing the form below or contacting us at cultural.awakening@theguardian.com.<\/p>\n
Please provide detailed information.<\/p>\n
Be aware that the maximum file size for submissions is 5.7 MB.<\/p>\n
Your contact information will be used solely for follow-up purposes by the Guardian.<\/p>\n
Should you mention other individuals’ names, please obtain their permission first.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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