Thomas Delaney always struggled with feelings of unworthiness, believing he was not deserving of love. His early years were marked by the emotional turmoil he observed at home. “I thought I was worthless; I wasn’t a good person… I even believed that the discord between my parents was my fault,” he recalls.
During my visit to his home in Glasgow, accompanied by his affectionate black-and-white cat, Figaro, Delaney openly discusses the lasting effects of his upbringing. Clad in a sweater emblazoned with “nicotine is dumb,” he reflects on his childhood, saying, “From a very young age, I had thoughts of suicide, convinced that my death might reduce the arguments between my parents.” His struggles escalated into an addiction to ketamine, and at his lowest point, he weighed a mere 38 kg (6 stone).
“People turn to drugs as a means of escape,” Delaney explains. Now 39 years old and sober for the past seven years, he has dedicated himself to public speaking, aiming to raise awareness about substance abuse and its prevention.
Delaney’s roots are Irish; he spent his earliest years in Nenagh, County Tipperary, before relocating to Hackney, East London. His parents had a tumultuous relationship that ultimately ended on August 31, 1997, a date he remembers vividly as the day Princess Diana passed away. Following the separation, Delaney, then 11, moved with his mother and two younger brothers to Barnsley, where household tensions persisted. In search of an escape, Delaney sought various outlets during his teenage years, including joining army cadets, staying over at friends’ houses, and working at a call center at 16, ultimately turning to drugs to cope.
At 17, he first experimented with cocaine during a night out, saying, “It was behind a Greggs in Barnsley town center,” which he recounts with a bittersweet smile. The euphoric feeling quickly ensnared him, providing a sense of connection he had long yearned for.
His downward spiral began when he showed up to work at a water filtration company after a weekend of partying and collapsed, triggering immediate dismissal from his boss. Subsequently, he and a friend returned to Ireland in hopes of starting anew. For a brief period, he managed to stay away from drugs and focused on self-care.
However, after six months, Delaney returned to England, attempting to rebuild his life in London with another sales position. Although he occasionally used cocaine while going out, he felt the burden of his demanding job and rising living expenses, leading him back to Barnsley at age 21. There, he found that the local drug scene had shifted, with ketamine gaining popularity among his peers. Recent reports indicate a troubling uptick in recreational ketamine use in England and Wales, with Barnsley identified as a significant area of concern.
Delaney had previously harbored disdain for ketamine, viewing it as a drug that rendered users lifeless. Yet, after moving in with friends, one of whom was a dealer, he began to experiment with both cocaine and ketamine during social outings. “I used cocaine to feel energized and ketamine to unwind,” he explains.
He understands the appeal of ketamine’s rising popularity, noting its affordability and the allure it holds for both partygoers and those seeking a means of escape while at home. Discussing the current generation of ketamine users, he observes, “Most of them struggled significantly during lockdown.” While he doesn’t attribute the surge in ketamine use solely to the pandemic, he acknowledges that the stress of such trying times likely exacerbated the situation.
However, the temporary relief comes with severe consequences, as Delaney learned firsthand. In Barnsley, he lost another job after arriving high and arguing with a customer. In a misguided attempt to gain validation, he began dealing drugs. Although he now recognizes the folly in his actions, the constant influx of phone calls from clients provided a sense of worth he had always craved.
As his addiction deepened, Delaney found himself frequently hospitalized, suffering from severe bladder damage due to chronic ketamine use. One particularly harrowing incident involved a man arriving at his home with a gun, demanding drugs and money from him and his housemate, which left him traumatized.
Following that experience, Delaney took a break from Barnsley, spending 18 months in Ireland, where he maintained a healthier lifestyle. Upon his return at age 24, however, he succumbed to ketamine once again. He landed a “proper corporate job” in education, but his past drug convictions nearly jeopardized the opportunity. Fortunately, his manager allowed him to stay with the condition of undergoing random drug tests. “I realized the tests didn’t check for ketamine, just for other substances,” he states, leading him to think he could continue using.
Delaney held that position for seven years until he was laid off in 2018. “I found myself with nothing,” he reflects. “Without a job to hide behind or fancy suits to wear, I was left to confront my reality.” Unable to maintain his own living situation…
