Career decisions, particularly for women, are frequently influenced by societal norms rather than personal aspirations. Recently, actress Tamannaah Bhatia recounted an experience that illustrates this persistent bias.
In an interview with journalist Shravan Shah for Varinder Chawla, she described a peculiar encounter: “I was in a hotel for a meeting with someone, accompanied by my father. The hotel owner’s wife approached me and remarked, ‘You’re such a good Sindhi girl, why are you doing this? You could have been married by now.’
She continued, “It struck me as odd, especially since I was engaged in a professional meeting. I was not there to socialize with them, yet they initiated a conversation and shared their strong opinion about my life choices.”
Reflecting on this as a young woman, Tamannaah expressed, “Looking at her, I felt a sense of empathy because I realized I did not want to replicate her mindset. It highlighted how disconnected some individuals can be from the realities faced by women globally. These moments are significant as they prompt critical self-reflection.”
Gurleen Baruah, an existential psychotherapist and coach, shared insights with indianexpress.com, stating, “In numerous cultures, women are still primarily viewed through the prism of traditional gender expectations—nurturers and caregivers responsible for family cohesion. Historically, a woman’s worth was associated with her youth, fertility, and marriage prospects, while men were recognized as providers, with their societal value tied to their careers and status. Such entrenched expectations continue to influence behavior today.”
She noted that notions like the “biological clock” are often cited to rationalize why women should marry by a certain age, a pressure that men typically do not face. Consequently, even women with successful careers may find themselves judged not for their accomplishments, but for how closely they adhere to these societal timelines.
When comments about a woman’s marital plans are made, even by strangers, they can feel intensely personal. Baruah remarked, “It transcends marriage; it signifies being told that your choices or priorities are somehow ‘incorrect.’ Such remarks can insidiously affect self-perception. No matter how confident one feels about their career and life path, recurring comments can lead to self-doubt or feelings of inadequacy.”
There is no universally “correct” approach to responding to such remarks, and ignoring the emotional impact is unproductive. It is normal to experience feelings of hurt, anger, or confusion. “What’s important is how you respond afterward. Taking a moment to acknowledge your feelings about the comment, rather than dismissing it outright, can be an effective first step. Remember, it reflects the speaker’s perspective, not your intrinsic value.”
“Surrounding yourself with individuals who affirm your choices, such as friends, mentors, or support groups, can provide a much-needed perspective. Therapy may also be beneficial, particularly for delving into deeper issues surrounding identity and societal expectations,” Baruah concluded.
